Sometimes people ask me the question,
What is it that you do?
Hell, I don’t know.
I guess I do it all …
… I’m a caretaker.
My calendar is full of appointments that don’t belong to me.
I’ve visited doctor’s offices of which I can’t even pronounce the practices.
I’ve learned how to read the awful handwriting of the doctors in order to pick up medical supplies that I pray I never need for my own self.
… I’m a mom.
And it’s awesome. But sometimes I feel like I’m doing it all wrong.
Sometimes, I sit back and pray that the relationship between my son and I never dissolves.
I want him like this forever.
So in thinking so far ahead, I create this anxiety within myself.
Instead of living in the moment.
… I’m a partner.
This is hard sometimes.
A partnership can show you a lot of things about yourself.
Like, it can literally test everything you ever though that you knew about yourself.
A partnership can also be soooo rewarding.
And they don’t all look the same so make up your own rules.
… I’m a daughter.
I’m a daughter of two uniquely wonderful individuals.
I am the product of two worlds collided and then dismantled; with lots of love mixed in there somewhere.
… I am a sister.
I’m the oldest of my American siblings.
I never realized how much they look up to me.
Realizing it, makes me move a little differently.
And I am the middle of all of my siblings, for I have two that live in Jamaica.
Can you imagine knowing your siblings exist but not really knowing them?
… I’m a friend.
But not to many.
Because I don’t like relationships with too much depth.
They make me nervous.
But I will love you and admire you from afar.
… I’m a black person.
A black American that definitely feels displaced.
A black American that was raised in the south so I had this sense of inferiority instilled in my young mind, because I didn’t know any better.
A black American that is waking up.
… and I’m tired.
I can’t cut none of these responsibilities off.
Every day I have to wake with them.
I can’t just put one down to focus on the other areas.
But guess what?
… WE got this.
Cus I know I am not alone.
We often wear many hats and play different roles.
That’s why we have to be nice to each other.
When I cross paths with a person that doesn’t seem to be in the best of moods, I tend to imagine which of their roles got them in their feelings at that very moment.
Cus, sometimes the waitress leaving the onions off of your cheesesteak is just the straw you needed to break the camel’s back.
Tip: Take a break. I don’t know what that would look like for you but DO IT!
What helps me make it through each day is knowing that I am not the first nor the last to feel these feelings.
There have been others before me who survived and so can I (you).
What not to do: Don’t give up.
Keep your head up.
Give the best you can to each of your roles.
Take time for yourself.
When you feel that you can’t give no more …
Shucks, I’m still learning to do this myself.
+ Ci Ci +