Damn boundaries

Boundaries.

I’ve never been a fan of them.

I like to move freely and not be told that I have to stay within a certain confine.

They say I’m an air sign?

Maybe it has something to do with that?

IDK.

But I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it.

You know?

That’s all fine well and cool until you have so many roles that you have to divvy out your time just to make sure each one gets some play.

But what if you have more roles than time?

I guess that’s where these damned boundaries come in.

It has been 2 weeks since I have written for Healing Is Voluntary.

And I feel sad about it.

I feel pulled on in so many different directions and it is making me face the hard truth that I, in fact, cannot, do everything.

I don’t like having to admit that cus I sure be trying.

And then I beat myself up when I feel like I’ve failed.

This is where it gets dangerous. In my head.

My first thought was: Two weeks no post? Ci, you tripping.

Second thought: Ain’t nobody going to read it even if you did post. Healing Is Voluntary who?

.

.

.

Fifty eleventh thought: Ci, you might as well give up.

And that’s where I sat for a minute.

But I’m not built like that.

So instead, I have to set clearer boundaries for myself.

I don’t know if you have been following me on Instagram lately (@ci.ciiiiii) but while I have been gone, I have been finding my way there.

And it has been awesome!

But it doesn’t matter how well I am doing in one area, the one where I’m doing not-so-good weighs heavy on me.

Those negative thoughts come and I have to fight super hard to keep them at bay.

Tip: You can affirm change.

So after that last dumb thought that I had about giving up, I decided to write.

The total opposite of what my mind was trying to get me to do.

I decided to share this experience of trying to figure all of this out.

What not to do: Don’t listen to the voices in your head.

They be tripping.

I love y’all.

And I really, really appreciate you rocking out with me.

Check me out on IG too!

+ Ci Ci +

P.S. My interview with The Urban Lib Room was published last week. Y’all should check it out at the link above.