This world can be so confusing at times.
It’s full of mixed messages which are swallowed up by the naive and silently approved of by the mature.
For instance,
Sex.
Our society is so sexually driven that it doesn’t even seem to phase us most of the time.
We subconsciously dismiss all of the sexual innuendos on TV and throughout social media.
What does “nude” even mean these days?
Like, it is ok for us to see your ass, just not your ass crack?
We can see your camel toe through a mesh bikini bottom, just not the actual vagina?
It’s a very thin line we tread daily.
And then the music?!?
I know, I know parents should pay attention to what their kids are listening to blah, blah, blah.
Let’s just be real here – our children are not with us 100% of the time. At least, mine isn’t.
I remember listening to one song in particular when I was younger.
Like 17.
You know, I was old enough to watch a R-rated movie. So I guess I was old enough to listen to the grown up music too.
But, this one song in particular made me feel like giving away pussy was the way to go!
Like, that it was empowering or some shit.
For some, that may be the case. But for me, not so much.
I didn’t know how to give it away. And sure not safely.
But you couldn’t tell me that song wasn’t written for me.
Fuck was free.
I tried to fulfill every lyric in real life …
… but was stopped dead in my tracks when I contracted this virus.
And we shouldn’t talk about it because??
What about those other situations?
Like unexpected, unplanned teenage pregnancies, for one.
When I was in high school I remember a classmate of mine getting pregnant.
I wanna say it was like the 9th grade because we were in Physical Science together.
She was a pretty girl, with a big belly.
But it wasn’t a flabby big belly.
It was a round one.
With a human inside of it.
And that big belly meant that she could not hide the fact that she was sexually active (read: fast).
The belly also meant that she would be the topic of many conversations among our peers and the adults of our community.
And, of course, not in a good way.
Cus folks are sooooo perfect.
It was at this time that I befriended this girl.
You know why?
Because I was “fast” too.
I recognized that we weren’t any different … I just hadn’t been caught up yet.
We couldn’t talk about that.
But why not try sex?
I know, for me it was this one sex scene in a PG-13 movie that made me interested.
I got to witness this fictional character lose her virginity. And it was so passionate cus the guy really loved the girl. They grew up and had kids.
I wanted that.
Alladat.
Tip: YOU figure out what is age appropriate for your children.
You can pretty much guess that my first time wasn’t nothing like the one I saw on the big screen.
There were no basketballs OR love.
It was just me, him and my yearning for attention from the opposite sex.
And since then, it has been sort of a learn-as-you-go type situation.
I learned from that girl in school that I didn’t want any babies yet, so I got on birth control.
I learned after I contracted HIV that I was really at risk for contracting HIV.
What not to do: Don’t wait until it’s too late. Take heed.
I’m still learning, though.
And everyday is not a breeze.
But I am here.
And for that alone, I am grateful.
+ Ci Ci +
I will go first. 