I failed

You remember when we were in school and the teacher would let us grade our own work?

It was so much trust.

So much responsibility.

Like how tempting is it to try and sneak the correct answer in the spot where you had put the wrong one?

How easy is it to change a “T” for true into a “F” for false?

Me, personally, I would always feel bad.

So what if the paper read that I only got a B on this test?

I earned it, honest.

And I have and will always be ok with that.

Now, we are no longer in school.

It’s real life.

But what grade have you earned?

O, you thought the tests were over?

Just on a regular scale of:

A: 90 – 100

B: 80 – 89

C: 70 – 79

F: 69 and below

Grade yourself.

Personally, I would like to give myself a good “B”.

I think I earned it, honest.

I think I do aiight but I am positive there are areas where I can improve.

A “B” isn’t bad.

It’s not perfect but I’m not close to failing.

I’m good.

What if we use something as metric?

You know, because what is good to me, might not be good to you and vice versa.

Let’s use this below. You may want to grab a pen and paper.

Am I …

  • boastful? (yes: -10 / no: +10)
  • proud? (yes: -10 / no: +10)
  • envious? (yes: -10 / no: +10)
  • angered easily? (yes: -10 / no: +10)
  • self seeking? (yes: -10 / no: +10)
  • dishonoring to others? (yes: -10 / no: +10)
  • delighted in evil? (yes: -10 / no: +10)
  • a keeper of wrongdoings? (yes: -10 / no: +10)
  • patient? (yes: +10 / no: -10)
  • kind? (yes: +10 / no: -10)


I failed.

I got a good “F” on this jawn.

An effity, eff, ef, F.

I earned it, honest.

I could go back and change some of my answers but who would I be fooling?

God? Myself??

Tip: You can’t hide.

Somewhere in here I’m experiencing a disconnect.

Where I feel that I am this awesome person who loves everyone (well, almost everyone) and I am good to others …

I am slacking in other areas.

Apparently the areas that matter for real, for real.

Damn this hurts.

But in order to heal, we have to acknowledge that there is a need to.

I see it. I feel it.

Welp, I’m just going to use this as a learning experience.

I am going to look at the areas where I tend to struggle.

I am going to put those on a list somewhere of the things that I am working on in myself.

What not to do: Don’t beat yourself up. Just peep game and try harder.

Today is a new day and I will use this day to work towards being a better person.

I will not allow other people to take me off of my mission.

I will be responsible for myself and my reactions.

Because I’m trying to at least pass before I pass.

And still, that wouldn’t be enough for me.

My journey is a long one.

I’m ready.

+ Ci Ci +