This some real-time drama.
Like I’m literally sitting here still trying to process this shit.
And I don’t do stuff like this.
I like to give myself some time to get shit the fuck together before I tell y’all all my business.
But this shit here is different.
These here are raw emotions.
And I need some accountability.
Cus what I say now, I mean.
I don’t have no cloud of love dust blinding my vision at this moment.
So maybe if I can get it out and reflect on it later – I will be able to stand strong when he come back talking about he’s sorry.
Cus you know they always come back claiming remorse.
But this time, imma be prepared with my own case evidence and documentation to refute any of that corny ass apology.
Funny tho, cus a couple of weeks ago he was “my best friend.”
Best friend my WHOLE black ass!
But that’s where it starts to hurt for real, for real.
That’s the jab.
Cus I thought we was.
I mean, we did best friend shit.
We went on spontaneous getaways.
We made sure each other ate.
We told each other secrets.
We even used the bathroom with the door open.
You know, I let him all up in my life.
Like, he was even at the top of my call log.
Emergency Contact and everything.
And guess what HE decides to do?
Talk to another female.
Cue Khia – Don’t Trust No Nigga
But, leave it up to me –
My dumb ass will always trust.
I trust that you wouldn’t do such and such to me, because I wouldn’t do such and such to you.
I trust that because you know what pain feels like, you wouldn’t inflict that on me.
I trust that when you say you love me, that you mean it.
And at this moment, I feel like I trust everything but myself.
I feel stupid.
I feel broken?
Ehh, that’s a pretty dramatic stretch cus ain’t nothing broke but my pride and ego.
I’m a bad bitch.
As in, imma always keep it pushing.
Even if I nut up at first.
Another asshole down the drain.
And not because I didn’t have the choice to stay.
Tip: You will probably always have the opportunity to settle for less than you deserve.
But because it is extremely difficult to remain on a path of healing, when the ones you chose to walk beside are walking the other way.
So, here I am again, walking with my head held high.
Hurt. Betrayed. Nervous. Anxious. And all.
What not to do: Don’t cave into those emotions. Might as well face them while they there.
But at least I know I’m walking the right way.
And not following no lying, deceitful, dishonest ass human being down a dead end road.
+ Ci Ci +