Sista girl

Black women don’t like me.

But I admire them.

I mean, this is such a strong statement.

But sometimes it is exactly what I feel.

Older Black ladies that I look to like my grandmother have treated me like I wasn’t one of their own.

Young Black girls think I’m corny.

Women my age … uhhhh.

Idk.

They fuck with me but from a distance.

I don’t know how to fix it.

I want Black women friends.

Like a girl group or something.

But then I would probably fail because my collard greens might not be seasoned enough and they would talk about me behind my back.

Or I end up in the wrong group of Black women and I don’t enunciate my words enough and now they can’t take me no where.

How y’all be finding these friendships?

I’m loyal.

I got my shit together.

Look at me, tryna sell myself off.

I know how to talk right.

BUT I’m still learning how to set the table right for company.

It’s so much easier to stay to myself cus then I don’t have to worry about sideways judgement from people who I wouldn’t expect that from.

They say our experiences shape our perception.

But how many times you gotta experience it for it to be reality?

I’m in my feelings.

And imma stay here cus I don’t get it and I want to.

Cus it matters to me.

I feel like I’m begging for friends but not really.

Cus I probably WON’T show up to every invite.

I probably will NOT know where to put the cloth napkin at brunch.

And that’s enough to have somebody feeling a type of way.

I just wanna feel like I’m accepted.

Tip: It’s probably bigger than all of this.

This some shit I’ve been dealing with since adolescence.

And I figured I could just avoid addressing it.

But, healing is voluntary.

And I’m tryna see something real quick.

What not to do: Don’t over generalize.

Cus to be real, I do have some Black women friends.

They get me.

And I love them.

I guess this is how you get a girl group.

You start with the people that fuck with you.

And say FUCK the rest.

Black, white, yellow, and tan.

+ Ci Ci +