Sometimes I want to give up.
And in my thoughts, it manifests in so many different ways.
Do I like give up, give up?
Like stop taking my meds and just let man-made nature have its way with me?
Or do I kinda give up and go seek something stronger than marijuana?
And see if that will allow me to escape the feelings I don’t want to feel?
Them people on K&A don’t seem like the feel shit!
Do I give up on the life I have now and desert it for a new beginning?
Do I stay in bed all day and say fuck the world and its responsibilities?
Do I sabotage everything I have going on, so I can blame my demise on you and not me?
No, no, no, no, no!
See, my head be doing too much.
I have to redirect those thoughts.
I have to paint in my mind that giving up isn’t even an option.
Cus if I give it an inch, my head is gone take the whole damn mile.
I don’t want to give up.
I want things to be different.
I want to not feel the way that I do.
I want to experience happiness – like the movies.
All that fantasy shit be making it real hard to accept the reality of REAL life experiences.
I want to keep going but in a different way.
And this is the deliberate decision I have to make on a daily, momentarily basis.
Cus if I don’t, the other part of my mind will always try and make it seem like things would just be better if I gave up.
She’s such a bitch.
Tip: It helps me to refer to myself in 3rd person. For some reason, I can see it better when it ain’t me.
But I have to love her too.
Cus, somehow, I think she’s only trying to protect me from what I don’t know yet.
But she’s gotta sit down and stfu.
What not to do: Try not to entertain those negative thoughts for too long. It’s a trap.
Cus giving up ain’t even an option.
Maybe for somebody else.
But not us.
We got too much shit to do.
+ Ci Ci +