So, you have a conundrum.

(I said “you” because I want you to feel it.)

I want you to try and put yourself in those shoes.

Just imagine.

Ok, so you ready for the issue at hand?



… you need a towel.

(I hope you ain’t think it was going to be something all deep and insightful 😂)

For real, for real though – just hear me out.

Look, I don’t know why you are in need of the towel, but you just are.


Maybe, you need one to bring with you to the bedroom during a time of intimacy. If you know what I mean.


Maybe you gotta clean off your sneakers before you leave the house.

I don’t know.

All I know is that you NEED a towel.

And you find one real quick.

You grab it and go on with your business.

But upon further inspection, the towel is a little dirty.

Read: A LOT dirty. Eww!

Naturally, you drop it when you see the mess.

You drop it right where you stand.

But damn, you need this towel at the moment.

You want this towel.

So you pick it up.

But this time, you cautious.

You know, only using your thumb and forefinger to pick it up – type shit.

Tip: This has nothing to do with a towel.

Towels ain’t got no feelings. Humans do.

Even humans living with HIV.

That’s why this shit hurt me.

So it was this one time that this guy and I became like the best of friends with benefits.

We talked on the phone every day, all day.

We met for lunch sometimes.

We helped inspire each other to be better.

Whatever, whatever.

And sometimes we had sex.

By sex, I literally mean only two things: protected vaginal penetration and oral that only went one way.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

Each time that it was my turn to climax, he would jump back away from me because he did not want any of my fluids to touch him.


I was that towel he brought to those intimate moments in the bedroom. But I was dirty.

I was good enough to help him clean his sneakers off so that he was all polished and shit when he presented himself to the real world. But I was dirty though.

What not to do: Please don’t waste your energy or time entertaining someone who doesn’t see your full value.


I understand this man’s fear of contracting HIV.

I get it.

He deserves to be HIV free.

The same way I deserve to not be treated any way other than how I want to be.

At some point, I felt like I cared more about his feelings than mine.

But then I woke the fuck up!

At least I did in this instance.

These days, you can catch me in your local grocery stores, parking lots, and corner stores with the PDA in full effect.

I be needing towels sometimes, too.

And it feels so good. ❤️

+ Ci Ci +